And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
