I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
