Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
