dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
