You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
