My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
