Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
