Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
