Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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