can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
All I want is dick and wine.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
