I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
whose parrot is this?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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