I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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