I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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