just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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