Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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