god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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