Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
