I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
