I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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