Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
