Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
