i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
