She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
