she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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