if i can run in heels then i can drive
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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