I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
