ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
