Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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