i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
