Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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