Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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