I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
