ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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