Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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