I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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