why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
