I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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