I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
