6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
