I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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