can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
