I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
