There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
