they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Semen is not good for contacts.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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