I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
