We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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