JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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