i was born a porn star she said
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
