my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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