Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
