She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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