just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
