is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
