pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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