at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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