i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
