I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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